The ethnic dilemma
It bothers me as to how easy it was for me to get over indian style of dressing after I moved away from home. I am currently visiting India and I am not enjoying dressing up in traditional clothing. I have been visiting the fabric villages and been coming back empty handed. Partly because I lost my shopping gene and party because there aren’t enough shades of blue cloth to tempt me. The ready to wear clothing stores have nothing for me – literally. They make me feel like an outlier. I find the colors shocking and ethnic prints lacking in subtlety. I am supposed to see the beauty, but I see visual clutter. I see genuine pity in the eyes of my fellow kin when I tell them I don’t like any of it. I seem to be stand out and have been attracting attention for the wrong reasons : “plain”,”too simple”,”boring”,… What do you do when the feathers of your tribe are no longer your aesthetic ?
My Tribe
What do you do when the feathers of your tribe are no longer your style ? It isn’t necessarily good or bad. I am in no way special because I deviated from the pack. I say this because I don’t think I need to dress a certain way to belong to the location or to own up to my heritage. Not anymore. Beyond the initial 5 seconds during which I get judged for what I wear, I seem to be able to have good conversations and can connect with people I meet. The pressure to dress a certain way is definitely decreasing but it still exists. As I have become older, I realize I do dress like my tribe. I see second order influences from my father, mother, Maanasa, my aunts, my husband, my brother(s), my great-grand-mother, … they are my tribe.
An effort
I have a teeny tiny Indian closet in my childhood home. The sarees from my wedding that I re-use as party wear. Some clothes from my late teens that I still fit into, by some miracle. And some clothing that hold a sentimental value to my mom. This month, I was handed over some sartorial inheritance. My grandpa’s woolen shawl that my grandma wanted me to have. My great-grand-mother’s saree. A cashmere-wool cropped sweater that my mom knit in the 80s. I also discovered some pieces of silver jewellry that I used to wear as a teenager that have been untouched for a decade. Maybe it’s time to add some Indian touch to my closet. Include these pieces ? After trying to simplify my closet all these years, this feels like a way to complicate it again. But worth a shot perhaps … ? Dress like my tribe, just a bit.
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Is this dilemma specific to Indians or is it faced by every generation in nations with strong cultural identity? Do the Scottish folk think about their quilts as bygones? Is the kimono missed in everyday Japan ? If we narrow down our tribe to our family, are we meant to derive our personal style from our parents ? If my tribe is based on my profession, am I supposed to dress like a geek ? The fashion bloggers do form a tribe and all dress uniquely similar. Do you dress like your tribe ? Who is your tribe ? Thoughts ?
Correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t kimono from Japan? I am Chinese and during Chinese New Year, we would wear cheongsam, but cheongsam is only representative of one era in Chinese history. There are other forms of clothing, depending on dynasty and ethnicity. Cheongsam is just one of the most popular ones.
I still see people wearing cheongsam in China but not a lot (although I don’t live there, I am what people call Overseas Chinese). I like wearing cheongsam because I look good in it, lol. It’s a very feminine piece and if I got married, I would love to get married in traditional get up too. It’s important to preserve tradition, imo.
Now if we’re talking about fashion tribe, I think I belong to the minimalist tribe that prioritizes comfort and durability. Brands like APC, Margaret Howell, Lemaire, MUJI really appeal to me. Thanks to you, I learn more about CDG and Yohji Yamamoto, although they’re too expensive for me.
My apologies. Made the correction to Japan.
Does your family wear clothing that is inspired by the native style of dressing – the colors, fabrics, prints, weaves, jewellry, .. ? We seem to have accepted a pseudo-influenced style. Shirts with prints, kurthas over jeans, brightly colored dresses in ethnic prints, Indian jewellry over western clothing, etc. I dont like that either sadly. Its been a struggle dressing up for events and family visits.
Now that you mention tradition, been thinking about how much of it I want to preserve for myself and my next generation. I know that if I were to do it all over again, I dont know if I would wear a saree. Not sure.
We usually only wear traditional clothing during celebrations, like weddings, New Year, birthdays. For daily wear, we’re back to Western ones. The older generation in my family love wearing jade jewelry. My maternal grandmother gave me a jade bangle for my birthday years ago. I hardly ever wear it because it’s too precious for me.
What is the reason for your dislike of Indian clothing? Because they’re impractical? Or are the colours too loud?
I suppose it’s a choice. To me, it’s an important part of who I am and while I still pick and choose, I would want to preserve it for the most part. The whole world is being really westernized and I personally don’t see that as a good thing.
I really enjoy seeing “other people” wear Indian clothing. Just not on myself. A few reasons :
1. I only come to India for weddings, events, etc. (In this trip,a medical emergency ). We had 2 weddings and 10 events last month. There is enormous pressure to dress up like my relatives – lots of gold jewellry, gold belt over silk-gold saree, wear bright colors, etc. I am too old to play dress up.
2. Dont like the “right” colors. Never did. The first thing I did after I moved to America was to buy a few gray tshirts. All over print is not something I like either.
3. Social pressure to fit in and wear what everyone else likes. Its making me run the other way.
4. My parents live in a conservative traditional society out here. People are not afraid to tell you how you should dress or live. I migrated because I couldn’t fit in.
While I like the diversity, I dont know if I want to partake in preserving mine by wearing what I dislike. Sad, but true. On the other hand, I am very interested in the traditional fabric making techniques and the art of embroidery that currently exists. I adore the craft, but not the aesthetic. I would ideally like to include pieces of Indian jewellry or embroidery or scarves into my everyday wear because I find it beautiful. But havent gotten around to it.
I think you can choose which part of the culture you want to support. I enjoy many Chinese cultural celebration, but sometimes I wish our weddings are less lavish.
I am completely distracted by your skin…that glow though!
Currently living in the house of a dermatologist. Dad prescribed a vitamin C cream that has been doing wonders. A tube of it costs me nothing and actually works. I think I am done with expensive skincare.
Ditto the skin glow! I actually started researching SK-II oil after viewing your photo b/c I knew that product was your fave. Thank you for telling us otherwise. Do share your new, low cost routine. I’m still using too many products and tired of the upkeep and cost. I have also tried every natural, low cost oil without much luck (coconut, jojoba, rose hip, vitamin E, avocado, and olive oil).
Sk2 works, no doubt and its given me better skin. I have been using it for the past 2-3 years. But the serum is 150$ per bottle. I need 3 of them per year. I am testing this vitamin C cream that seems to give me a good glow and according to my dermatologist dad – penetrates the outer layers of the dermis and does the skin good. I was buying another 150$ bottle per year from skinceuticals for my vitamin c. If this works over time, I can save a hell lot of money. Give me a month and I will report back.
Sounds good. I look forward to it and thanks a bunch! I know several of the 50-60 yr. old beauty bloggers I like have beautiful skin and vitamin C is an important part of their regimen.
This is such a great post, Archana! As a woman of color and still on her journey to discovering her ancestral roots, it got me thinking immediately. I resonate with what you wrote about standing out due to your clothing. Like Jules said above, the similar situation is with Vietnamese people living both in Vietnam and abroad; we don’t wear the traditional clothes (ao dai) so much, many people reserve it for special occasions like funerals, weddings, formal meetings, etc. (I’d also like to wear an ao dai on my wedding as it’s a beautiful, feminine, yet very simple piece of clothing that I’m sure I’ll get a lot of use of beside the wedding itself.) However, there is still this way how the young Vietnamese people in my age dress and I definitely don’t fit. I can’t even count up how many times I was called “old looking” “too serious” or whatever. I wouldn’t mind so much but the last time I was at a Vietnamese-only event, I saw very clearly that I don’t fit despite my honest attempts to connect with them. It relates to the way of thinking, I guess; I’m considered more “European” than Vietnamese, while they were not.
Anyway, pieces and bits of Asian culture and aesthethics do infuse my wardrobe. I have particularly soft spot for delicate flower patterns and Japanese-meets-French kind of looks.
https://smallershebear.wordpress.com/
Zia,
Thanks for sharing.
We spend so little time in India that I never had a chance to fuss about any of it. My formulae : Come for 10 days, attend weddings, parties and get togethers everyday. Leave.
This is the longest I have spent at home and I realized that I dont want to play dress up anymore.
Perhaps its different for :
the ones who grew up in a conservative traditional society and weren’t allowed to choose
Vs
The ones who grew away from home country and see clothing as a way to embrace the heritage.
When I think of home, I hardly think about the clothing. I think of my family, the village, the friends, the memories, … and its never the clothing that I miss. Perhaps that is one reason I dont see it as a betrayal when I got over it.
Some potential ways I could include : dainty tribal jewellry, colorful scarves with small amounts of Indian prints, Indian sandals, Rajasthani ballet flats, … If I were in the mood to shop, I would have. Since I am trying to live with less, I havent acted on my impulses so far.
Such a lot to speak about here.
I think we inherit a certain style from our native culture. But it isn’t a static/permanent state. As we change, so does our style. Obvious, right? Some people are determined to NOT dress like their cohort, so they rebel outright. Sometimes, familiarity and comfort are key, so you go back to old favorites.
Loaded questions, Archana! 🙂
I wore a lot of beige/maroon and other earthy shades in my teenage years. Then I hit, what I called “delayed adolescence” in my early 20s, when I wore a lot of pink. 🙂 And I started adding brighter colors to my wardrobe. Then I moved to the US, and things began changing again.
I love Indian fabrics and prints and colors. I have a few sarees that I love. I don’t have an urge to buy more. I think this mindset is part of a larger trend that involves less buying. But I don’t know…. perhaps it will change again in a year or so, and I will be more interested in buying clothes.
Btw, I love all those pictures, especially the one featuring your mother.
End of the day, I think it’s important to dress truthfully (whatever that means to you).
I cant take credit for the photographs. My DSLR camera was confiscated after the surgery to allow for recovery without stress. I am using random photographs that I have on my phone for this post.
You see, I dont think of myself as a rebel at all. My mum wears beige and brown all the time. I grew up in a house with the kinfolk aesthetic. Lots of empty space and white walls. Wore school uniform for the most part. My parents have lived outside the country and around the country. It felt natural at home to like what I liked. But the outside opinions were too much. I was made to cry during my wedding day and change into a more colorful attire after the relatives ganged up and told me I need to. I was once sent home from a party for not wearing a bindi. There was a time when I was not called by my name but my surname because caste is that important. Things like this made me move. I left my home town at 17. I am hardly a rebel. Just moved to find places that I like. The world is big enough for all of us to find what we want.
Back to the sartorial dilemma. I think personal style is more important for me. Wearing a costume to fit in is no longer necessary in this time and age ( I hope ).
I love Indian fabrics and certain block prints too. If I get the shopping itch in the future, I will definitely try to include some in my wardrobe.
Like you say : comfort clothing. To me, its the color blue that I find comfort in. Perhaps thats a reason it repeats in my closet. Not sure. But very interesting points. We should all write about our personal style evolution. Would make a great read. Especially for immigrants like us.
I wasn’t implying that you were a rebel. I simply made a point about sartorial choices. I am sure that jeans were also a strict no-no at some point in time, but then people went ahead and wore them any way… simply to make a statement.
My mother and aunts wear sarees mostly. And I love pretty much all their choices, in terms of colors, fabrics, prints, etc. To me, their clothes are an excellent representation of the people they are, which, in my dictionary means well dressed.
Not to worry. I knew this post would be a little tricky. I dont know how to thread the line without insulting a culture and its people when i say these things I say. And I dont know how to say it without loading on my emotions.
Jeans are still a no-no in my small town. Its different in the cities and very different in the metropolitan cities.
I quite like how elegant my mother, grandma and greatgrandma look in their sarees. I would love to own a navy blue pain saree. Or a shift dress with tiny block print spaced adequately apart. I am quite a fan of bandhini on single color cloth. I love glass bangles. There is so much beauty in it all. But the current aesthetic of excess color and print and jewellry is really not for me. I dislike it when its shoved down my throat.
I am so sorry that you had to change out of your preferred outfit on your wedding day. Sometimes the pressure from family is so strong, and it’s tough to stand up to… simply because it comes from one’s own.
Maybe I will write a post about my style evolution. Wait, I think I wrote one already – http://therichvegetarian.com/passion-for-fashion-a-sense-for-style/.
wonderful post. You grew up in Bombay ! Our sartorial stories obviously started differently.
My husband didnt recognize me on our wedding day. When I got on the stage, he has this expression of shock and managed to mutter “what did they do to you?”. Oh well, we all have our worst outfits that we look back and laugh about.
I love the photos! For me, I’ve been looking at heritage and identity over here in South Africa, and some of the clothes that come out, t-shirts with leopards on them for example…and I’ve been wondering about those intangible aspects of heritage, which are not in clothes or jewellery, but in storytelling or culture, and how this plays a role? I remember going to a talk around gender and the presenter, who was from Zambia originally pointed out that she’d chosen to wear western make up rather than the dots which were a part of her heritage, and she wondered what that meant, and why she’d made the choice?
I think my own choices of what to wear would never be what my mother would choose though! She did do her best, but I was always such a tomboy who would lie in the mud. She’s very feminine, never wears trousers, very traditional. I don’t think she ever really knew what to do with me.
I’m also so over expensive skincare products! I started to drink a lot of water, and the puffiness and rings around my eyes are starting to disappear.
Thank you Nicci.
I started writing this post after I read a similar article in Nat Geo. A certain tribe paints dots on their faces to give them a sense of belonging. And with achievements, they get the honor of more face tattoos. When you leave the tribe, they modify the tattoos. It all makes sense. When I see someone dressed like me on a street or on a blog, I immediately want to know more about them. If I see someone who is dressed in a way I dont want to dress, I wonder about them too. We are no islands and we are influenced by people around us. I spend a lot of time online and perhaps thats a reason I dont dress like my peers.
I gave my mum nightmares by wanting to dress in gaudy clothing when I was a kid. I wanted what I saw in the society. And she was a tomboy who dressed in neutrals. She didnt know what to do with me either. With age, I grew into her. And with living outside the country, I pared down the aesthetic some more.
It does bother me though.
My father would approve of you. He dislikes prescribing creams when its not necessary. I experiment with his stash whenever I come home and beg him to give me a face peel. I see it as an opportunity to get free stuff done to my face under expert supervision. And he gets so much free product sent to him just the way bloggers get stuff given. I play around with it all.
I’m a Jew, and lately I have been extremely inspired by tznuit style brands like MimuMaxi a lot more than mainstream brands and designers.
I definitely have a different perspective than you – my mom isn’t orthodox and doesn’t dress tznuit and neither did my grandmother, who was a 1st generation American Jew. Her mom had come from the shtetl in the old world and assimilation was really how to show you had made it at the time.
She was born in 1920 and, so, by the time she was 25, most of the old world had been completely wiped out. There was no one”back home” carrying on the old ways, as they had been for thousands of years.
Nevertheless, assimilation = success, especially to reform Jews, since reform Judaism is so assimilationist in character, with encouragement to take what you feel it’s useful and discard what is not in the “modern world” (I’m from Pittsburgh, a reform hub). So, many things have been lost – years of Yiddish literature with no one to read them and often thrown out in the dumpster as the elderly die, Jewish culture and ceremony, and even our history. I know so many other young Jews who feel only “culturally Jewish”, which, what does that even mean? You relate to Woody Allen movies? (yuck)
Anyway, as the Nazi alt right comes out more and more, I feel more and more that I need to cling to my roots instead of hide them.
However, my feeling is different than yours because I feel like it has already come close to disappearing – through genocide and assimilation, whereas Indian culture is still millions (billions?) strong (although Indian culture is not just one thing, but neither is Jewish, although people act like there is no such thing as Middle Eastern and Northern African Jews in the USA).
Anyway, dress however you want but make sure to hold on to your culture because it’s important to the world. But, clothing isn’t the only or most important way to do that.
P.s. Also, especially for tailored clothing made just for you, you can do it however you want. You can modernize traditional styles and do it your own way. I feel like Issey Miyake and Rei from CDG are always recalling the kimono in their work, even though they are not always making kimono.
I agree with tailored clothing. That is what I do / used to do. Get the fabric of my choice. Add a detail or two with embroidery or some print if necessary. And get my tailor to stitch it for me. Its a great way to include the wonderful techniques that are popular out here without me complaining about it all being overdone.
P.S : This is what the brides in my town seem to wear. I really cant appreciate it or dress like this for what so ever reason : https://www.pinterest.com/pin/73253931413241544/
Honestly although I have only worn black for months, I really like that style for a bride! I guess it’s a change from traditional American puffy white dress, so it seems fresh to me. But, from reading your blog, I can tell if you wore that to your wedding, you would struggle to feel like you were being yourself, so why do it? It’s just not your style.
I would have loved to wear a saree that was in one color and without all that jewellry. Brides attire is an expensive affair and it puts financial stress on the brides family to buy all that. And borrowing jewellry is looked down upon. Its also a custom that the brides family pay for the entire wedding. All these add up. I got married during my first year in grad school when I had negligible savings. My parents paid for it all and it was enormous stress for them. India needs to simplify its weddings and change some customs. I would not dare say this out loud in my home town. They will not tolerate such remarks and use the scriptures/tradition to justify all of it.
Thank you so much for sharing your perspective. You chose your words well and articulated it. I definitely didn’t think of all the wars a civilization has to endure to get here. And something is being lost when I write posts like this justifying my choices. I see it now.
If I may ask : how did you include your traditional clothing ? Do you wear inspired clothing ? MimuMaxi pieces seem to have a certain silhouette. Is that why you like them ? Please tell me more.
Well, where I live, the main way people can identify others as Jews is mainly by clothing, and for women, that’s just dressing tznuit, which just means modest.l, which is usually interpreted to mean covering the knees, elbows and collar bones. Married women also cover their hair. So, you could wear a drapey Rick Owens dress with a base layer crew neck and that would work. There isn’t really one unified style – but if you lived in a place where there would like were a lot of Jews like in Baltimore or New York, you would be able to tell the Orthodox women by how they dress, even though the actual clothing items can be very much the same. There isn’t a traditional costume for women – like I said, no one is back in the old country. That life was completely wiped out.
As for why I like the mimu maxi stuff, I have really been enjoying drapier forms with more fabric like the Cascade top and just really wanting to feel protected and wrapped up in a way. I don’t know if it makes me feel closer to Gd or anything, since my family was never really Orthodox. But, I still identify with it in a way, and in fact dislike how assimilationist the reform movement is and how much of our culture has already been lost as a result, and want to be visible and unified with other Jews, especially as bomb threats are called into shuls every week now, swastikas** are getting drawn on college campuses and CNN has headlines like “Are Jews People?”. I don’t want neo-nazis to feel like they can make me hide or give up my culture.
**Although… Swastikas are still fine for Buddhists, Jains and and Hindus to use but that’s not what people mean when they draw them in people’s dorm and lawns
I mean that in the nicest possible way, but to have to cover, knees, elbows and collar bones, seems an extreme definition of modesty. What we all need is to move on with the times and focus on keeping clean minds rather than covering up the body. Up until very early 20th c it was considered risqué for even a western woman to show her ankles, or appear in public without a hat, and I am thankful that ridiculous notion is no more…
I’m not sure why you are making this comment or what it adds to the discussion.
Perhaps in a few decades you may be able to understand, women having to cover themselves is a form of oppression and a remnant from the past.
Lol maybe one day I’ll realize that keeping my culture alive and being identifiably Jewish is actually…oppression
Oh no, please keep your traditions as long as you choose to do so. This post was mostly about a certain aesthetic being imposed upon me. Hope to clear that.
I know that is what you meant, but the other commenter seemed have a different opinion.
Some of these ideas take a long time to change. My grandpa raises hell if wear sleeveless in India. Showing legs is out of question. They will not let me leave the house. We all should be allowed to define our own boundaries for modesty. I find yoga pants as pants not modest but I dont go around forcing women I know to change out of them. They shouldnt do this to me either, when I choose to wear clothing without sleeves or not wear a scarf. My home town is as hot as Arizona during summers.
While these are also issues I think about, this post is mainly about being forced an aesthetic upon. The gaudy jewellry and loud colors are a must for evening wear out there. It feels like wearing a costume to please relatives. This also needs to change.
I had muslim guy friends who wanted me to wear a bhurka ! When ever I would get ‘eve teased’ on the street, they would get angry at me and blame me for not being modest enough. I found it ridiculous ofcourse. But traditional societies take a long time to let go of a few ideas.
I got very used to doing what I please in America and when I come back, I am not used to being told how to dress.
Absolutely agree that we need to show certain cultural sensitivities. I travelled extensively in India and outside main cities, like Bangalore and New Delhi, I made sure that I never wore anyth No that showed my shoulders. Or I covered them with a shawl. I am not Indian and it is not my culture to cover up but I do it out of respect. If I visited Saudi Arabia, I’d have no choice in the matter. However I object to women having to cover up to be modest or to show their cultural identity. Let’s not forget as little as a 100 years ago, all women had to be covered, even in ‘liberal’ west. And by the way, the Indian custom of covering ladies shoulders is a remnant from the victorians and British rule, before that, a sari was sufficient without the small blouse underneath. It’s wonderful to dress up and enjoy cultural background but at the same time we need to move on- British people of celt descent would be going around painted blue if we hadn’t moved on…
I married into a Pakistani family although I’m American and I also have never liked bright colors, most prints or wearing too much jewelry. So I identify with a lot of what you are saying. I try to put more on for my mother in law but always seem to still wind up being pitied for my plain style. My American mother thinks I like only plain and “classic” things as well versus her.
I have this sort of pressure too. We live in a small town with strong caste values and religious views. Deviating from the pack is in general is discouraged. There is an added pressure to not ‘look poor’ which is associated with simplicity.
Diversity can go both ways right ? If my small town embraced diversity, they would be more accepting of people who are not dressed like the tribe. When I give up my traditional clothing in favor of western style of dressing, we are loosing the diversity in some sense.
When I visited Salzburg Mozart Week,a couple of years ago,the most beautiful and elegant ladies and gentlemen on the concerts were in their custom made traditional dresses and suits. It is tradition and it was very eye-catching.
I really,really love to see and respect ethnical clothes,I find sarees,kimonos,cheongsam,ao dai,scottish quilts,dresses,suits and jewlery from our Slavonia,Dubrovnik,Dalmatia,Lika……beautiful and priceless. It requires time and money to preserve originals and show them for special festive occasions.
My home town was (long ,long time ago,before ww1) part of Habsburg monarchy and under influences of urban european clothes. My family lives here for generations and,beside some embroidery and lace, jewlery or bed lining,we don’t have any ethnical clothes-I would have to “borrow” from other parts of our country (and I did,as a young girl-a woven wool bag f.e. -to show our croatian heritage) or use a piece of lace or embroidery for a dress.
I could understand your dilemma,but I think that-beside to show respect if it is needed for weddings and other very festive and traditional occasions,you have to be allowed to be what you are and how you feel and dress the way you want. If saree is something required or if it makes your parents proud while you are there-make them happy
But I don’t think that you have to change your style (or demand from the others to change theirs)
Here are some rules like not wearing black (or white if you are not the bride :-))for weddings-I would respect it although a lot of my clothes,especially evening ones,is black-but I would not wear f.e. leopard dress with golden belt if the other ladies find it elegant
It is hard to think different and find one’s own way
Your photos are beautiful. You both look beautiful and happy, your mother and you,and she seems very proud of you (and navy goes great with orange colour :-))
Dottoressa
I dont know how to find the balance between keeping some traditions and being myself. I LOVE Indian textiles and the art of embroidery. I have been visiting handloom villages to see and admire the art. But dont somehow feel the need to wear it or own any of it.
My great-grand-parents generation is whom I look up to, when I think of Indian elegance. We had these wonderful textiles and they were not over done. People didnt own this much and still dressed up well. Prints were done tastefully. They wore color but not 5 bright colors in one outfit. The men were quite elegant too in their simple clothing. I absolutely would love to dress like them if I lived in India. The current generation doesnt appeal to me as much.
On my wish list if I ever need to shop in India in the future : a navy blue ‘pattu’ saree. A shift dress with some embroidery on the border, a shirt dress with tiny block print near the collar, rajasthani bandhini print on a woolen scarf, …. I would love to do it my way. But never got a chance to.
Thank you Dottoressa. I was raised by both my mum and aunt. I am glad I get to talk about them as my tribe.
A brave post. Bear with me – here are some challenges :
First, who says you have to restrict yourself to one tribal identity ?
I have 2 homes – one is in a tropical country with hot sunshine and seasonal monsoons, the other is in a drizzly northern city famous for its style. I have entirely different wardrobes for each – cotton dresses, colours, bare arms for the first and lots of navy cashmere for the second. Or in a different way, I wore a very conservative business uniform for many years before times changed and I acquired enough professional gravitas so that a suit became intimidating rather than reassuring.
In all these cases, I wear the right thing in relation to the time, place and function, but I also have fun playing with the codes so that I feel stylish and like myself. Is this changing tribes ? Or simply running with many tribes and happily changing colours in between ?
Second, supporting traditional skills and small businesses is something to be embraced, because who else is supposed to do it if not for folks like you ? As it happens, I have specific views about what I like and enjoy providing design input for custom orders. It may not be what the tailor or weaver or batik-painter or block-printer is used to, but then again I’m a good customer who is entirely happy to pay a fair wage to employ special skills (and also to pay up for the occasional failed experiment).
However, if you don’t love the consultation and collaboration, and find the product uninspiring, perhaps one way to think about it is that you are now acting as your own designer and brand guru, rather than paying for someone else’s vision. What do YOU bring to the process of creating a functional garment and making it desirable ?
And finally, some of the most stylish women I know are Indian. A couple of ladies who immediately come to mind in terms of media presence are the extremely glamourous Chanda Kochhar of ICICI Bank or the entirely different but equally glamourous Arundhati Roy. I myself love the high-maintenance presence of the party looks I see in Bombay but I equally love the elegant hand-woven greys and whites which a good friend wears almost exclusively. There’s so much diversity here in how traditional dress can be worn and also in how tradition can be re-made for new purposes. Perhaps it is a matter of finding ways to make it your own and to be comfortable in your own skin ?
Oh yes, Arundhati Roy is a woman who beautifully manages to merge in her style traditional Indian attire and subtlety and simplicity- I think Archana, this is the way to embrace Indian clothing! Myself I do love Indian textiles and crafts in general, having spent a working year in Delhi, and to this day Im influenced by it, I have some rajasthani silver jewellery which I love combining with simple black dresses, I have couple of Kashimri shawls and silver pendants and rings from Himalaya. In the same one I dislike very loud combination of shocking pink and yellow for example which I seen a lot during Indian events. I think its down to choosing what suits you best.
Yes, I am still not sure it was a good idea for me to write this post and say the things I said. But I wont delete this post. I am sure that I am not the only one with this dilemma. Perhaps some else can relate and connect with what I expressed.
Arundhathi Roy, Vidhya Balan, Nandita Das, etc have such amazing personal style. I would wear every outfit that Gita wore in the movie Swadesh. I am not at all saying that I dont like the saree or salwar kameez. I dont like how I get forced to wear guady things I dont like to fit in with the society. More seems to be less out here.
If I was in a mood to shop, I would totally be designing my own Indian clothing for myself. There is so much potential. I have been admiring kundan embroidery ( is it all plastic? ) and been to a few Kashmiri pashmina stores. I went to Rajasthan this week and I have always loved the bandhini print. The silver jewellry was a dream. So much I want ! Today, I went to a local health food store to buy a clay pot and found high quality khadi cloth. He was trying to convince me that I should give up conventional cotton to support the local artisans. I agree. But I have enough and am not looking to expand my closet. There is so much out there that tugs on my sartorial heart strings.
I would love to see your closet some day.
No no, please don’t delete your post! I think is great and I think I know what you were trying to say here. Im not Indian, but a Polish girl (hmm, a woman rather as I just turned 40;))) who happened to be lucky to fall in love with India after spending a year there and then expanding it in a way by working in Indian cultural organisation in London. Despite my admiration for Indian culture in general, I can see what you mean when you say that sometimes you felt forced to wear certain things, or to be pressed by your folks to act or do things you may not necessarly consider ‘your thing’. And I understand a bit too what you escaped from to US;). But going back to the sartorial point, we are strongly influenced by the society or circle we live and work in. While in London I could wear a pyjama to work and no one would care (OK, I exaggerate here but you know what I mean:) Now back in Poland, working in a museum in heritage place I need to be slightly less adventurous with my clothing. Which I feel its a pity sometimes, but what to do. Kundan jewellery -loved it, bandhini , khadi, all these things I find incredibly beautiful. When I was in India I got some kurtas and salwaars and wore them to work, every one was commenting how lovely I looked;).Now I keep them for sentimental reasons, only jewellery and cashmere seems to fit into my current wardrobe. And hey, I remember watching Swadesh (my guilty pleasure at that time: SRK;) and thinking that Gita was too elegant for the character she played, and in real life no way a village teacher would be so glamorous;)).
Ok, time to confess- Im your Instagram follower, my nick name is nikaneelam and although I don’t show my face much there, you may see one photo with my hand wearing my silver rajasthani bracelet- that is if you care to check;)
Best wishes Archana for the rest of your stay in India, enjoy!
Actually it sounds like there’s a lot going on with your feeling coerced into conformity, rather than being anti this or that garment. Your discomfort is a prickling sensation throughout this thread, just as your evident enjoyment makes things like blue dresses come alive in other posts.
Please don’t stop trying to puzzle through these hard issues, even if you opt to do some of it offline in future. You have a real gift for writing and sometimes being prepared to get uncomfortable is part of developing an authentic voice.
And of course by all means don’t buy stuff if you don’t need it. But perhaps you can demonstrate some love by posting more about some of these visits, techniques and objects that move you ? Not that I don’t enjoy your writing on Stella McCartney or Porselli flats but at least some of us would be even more interested in these special things you have access to only when you are visiting home.
Oh absolutely. To me, clothing is never just clothing and its been hard to thread the line.
But there is so much beauty here that I admire as long as its not made compulsory for me to wear.
I will focus more on the positive side – the stuff I like. Outfit of the day post coming up next.
Archana, perhaps this would be interesting to look at:
https://blog.jaypore.com/2015/06/18/7-indian-women-of-style-substance/
Thank you ! and they all have such amazing style !
Thank you for this post, Archana. Very interesting to read and to think about.
I always admired traditional clothing and the quality that comes with it. Especially when traveling in India and Bali. As an European outsider to this kind of clothing it just looked very beautiful to me.
I have some traditional items but only very very few.
Like my grandmother’s amber necklace. My grandparents lived near the Baltic Sea where amber can be found so it is kind of the family stone.
I have traditional clogs I wear at home, for years now.
I do wear lots of wool.
But I also borrow from other cultures. I have a Cheongsam and I do have an African dress from Ghana which I was given as a present. I do wear both – if I feel strong. Because people will stare. But it would be the same if I showed up in a Chanel costume. If I want to fit in, I need clothes more simple, but not too simple nor too expensive. I do belong to different social tribes and their fashion differs. Of course still a lot more subtle than Indian vs western clothing. I try to make clothing choices that fit my style but also my surroundings – maybe it is only me who will notice the details.
When I was younger I was more adventurous. I often felt sorry that the people didn’t dress more diversely and angry at the pressure it put on me. I found the main way of dressing boring, dull and just not thoughtful. But what I probably thought was that it is not just a way of dressing, I felt sorry that the people did not think and live more diversely – and angry at the pressure it put on me. But some people just don’t have the education, the money or the interest for diversity, wether in clothing or in life choices. I try not to judge and not to care as much.
Frankly, I find this discussion riveting.
I’d forgotten that as an American women, I take for granted the fact that I can walk out the door wearing what I want, when I want. We had some friends over for dinner this week and their 6-year old daughter had brought along her doll. Apparently, the doll had just been elected “Lady President.” After the pretend election, our 6-year old friend had to change the dolls clothes, so “Lady President” could go for a hike.
Isn’t that the jist here? As women, we want to dress fashionably, with culture, or without culture, for the job at hand and certainly without ceilings and with as much free reign as possible. Bravo, Archana, for another fascinating post!
Can you please tell me the Vit C tube your dad prescribed. I am in India and would love to purchase it 🙂
The vitamin c thing is called : le dore GC serum. It’s 2% glutathione and 20% vitamin c.
He said he gave it to me because he had it on hand. It’s 2500 rs. He says we can find something cheaper in the same composition. It doesn’t need a prescription and hence you can look for one in a medical store.
Hope this helps.
Thank you 🙂 Loved your latest post. I somehow think women of that generation have better skin (less products, happier skin)
But they lived in a cleaner planet too. Food grown well and less fossil fuel based pollution. But yes, they have better skins and never even entertained the though of a skin care routine. My father brings home boat load of sunscreen and my mother refused to use it on us kids because she never saw her elders smear it. (A con in my opinion). But they had simpler times and product free lives.
This is such a fascinating essay. Lots to unpack in this essay. My tribe should be African American “urban” culture. A lot of garments that America is famous for started out as working class/practical innovations and ironically then markers of the elite ( see denim, boating shoes, the newly fashionable sneaker craze).
The reality is that if you look at my wardrobe growing up, it clearly showed that I did not subscribe to the urban culture but rather the upper-middle class preppy one as a teenager. I can that it didn’t cause any identity issues but it certainly made me stand out originally in all black environments until the preppy look (which is what everyone wore pre 1960s anyway) became cool again. Then I moved to France and South Korea which honed my style even more . Now I definitely stick out even more when I go back to the States because my interpretation of casual is what even southerners would sometimes call,”dressy”. Not to mention that my mother doesn’t like that my wardrobe has gone to variations navy, grey, and black since I have now lived in big cities for most of my 20s. I find being able to maintain a colorful wardrobe a privilege in a way that many Americans take for granted. I don’t own a washing machine/dryer and apartments are small here in Paris so one has to be discerning and have pieces that work for multiple environments hence the dressy casual aesthetic. I like wearing colors in the form of scarves.
Furthermore, my aesthetic also sets me apart from the black french community here as well. I ironically wore originally too much color to be considered anything other than American when I first arrived. However, I have come to the realization that the brands that I wear or aspire to wear could also be considered as class markers and denotes that I currently occupy a certain socio-economic class. It’s this observation and the privilege I enjoy from this observation that I’m still exploring and unpacking.
It gets really complex when you tie your identity to your tribe. The sad part is, the ones are are in the matrix try to guilt the rest to follow the rules. While we should be thinking of global economies and one planet of people, we still fight over cast creed religion. I dont know what I was trying to achieve by writing this essay. But what I got was a whole lot of angry indians who were offended that I find too many colors garish or are insulted by the fact that I moved on from the traditional style.
Thank you for sharing your story. I was wondering about how African Americans feel about this. There is a very rich history and a lot that went into preserving the culture. Another commenter mentioned about how dressing like a Jew was a big deal to her because of how hard her people have to fight to survive the wars. Identity and costume has never been a simple equation has it ?
Your story has a lot more points on the globe and influences. Please do write an essay on your personal style evolution with pictures. It would be a fascinating read.
Hi Archana,
Thank you so much for your response! I’m so sorry to hear about the backlash. It reflects the constant debate of tradition vs modernity or rather the conventional vs unconventional . I also read your post about your style evolution. I have had a multi-post draft for months about my style evolution but I would love to write a condensed version for your blog. Will be sending you an email.
Please do send me an email.
Identity is so complex and I really dont have the aptitude to understand the depth of it. I can only understand what I experienced and can build upon. My mother says I am low on tolerance for things I dont like. I am working on it.
Hi! Just wanted to let you know that I sent you an email! Writing that essay was a fun exercise. Thank you for the opportunity!
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